mariam.sterras@hotmail.com

Monday, 9 April 2012

Winter is only on our door step but its hitting me hard already.

Winter is only on  our door step but its hitting me hard already.
For the last few days I woke up with a stiff and painful body almost every day. I’m Feeling tired and emotionally drained. Algamdoelilaah Shukr to The Almighty I’m at home so I don’t have to force myself out of bed. Sometimes I wish it can all just be a nightmare but it’s not and I have to deal with it. With all this pain and many negative emotions I feel like giving up this fight with lupus. But I try hard not to give in to these negative thoughts. To others it looks like nothing is wrong but inside I’m dying little by little. If they can only know the pain and agony I go through. I don’t know if the physical or emotional pain is worse. Sometimes I feel like I’m falling deeper in a hole and see no light at the end of the tunnel .I feels like my concentration and memory is also giving up on me. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. I try not to think about the pain of tomorrow but try to live just for today. Will I manage, will I cope. Family and friends look at me but they don’t really see what’s behind the smile.
I hate what I’m going through the pain, fatigue, memory lapses, depression and frustration.
But Allah Swt /God knows best

3 comments:

  1. My prayers and thoughts are with you always.

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  2. Oh Mariam - I read your fb posts each day, but I had no idea it was so bad. You are such a positive person - I am truly so sorry that you are going through this. I make duah that Allah eases your pain and provides a cure for lupus and other such diseases Insha-Allah.

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  3. Shukran babes.May Allah Swt accept your duahs Insha-Allah.Yes its not easy to live with lupus but what can I say but Algmdl Allah Swt won't give me a burden too heavy to carry.I just 1 day at a time.

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